Eyeballer: Rules and Warnings

Eyeballer was originally invented by two drunk Americans. Though its true origin is not completely known for sure, it is believed to have evolved from a bad, inside joke. It supposedly evolved from an inside joke into an extremely bad idea, one that the two Americans recognized immediately as unsafe at any time. They soon thereafter began to "play" this "game". It was not so much of a competition as it was an exercise in abject stupidity. This could explain why its true origin is to this day in debate, simply because neither of these two men wanted to take credit for unleashing such a depraved and heinous activity on an unsuspecting world. Yet despite its unholy nature and relative level of undesirability, the "game" was invented. It has been "played" many times, always by the same two individuals. I hereby issue a warning to all who read any further. Neither I, nor the propagated of this website, nor the inventors of Eyeballer, nor any coherent person that has ever lived, or will ever live take any responsibility for anyone who would engage in Eyeballer related activities. You really have to take your balls in hand and leave your brain at the door for this one. If you do try it out, you have only yourself to blame, because I told you so and you should have known better.

Rules:

Two Person game. Stand comfortable distance away from each other, recommended distance: 10 feet at first. Each contestant has lit cigarette, regulation filter size. The filter is important because it makes wind more of a factor. Sloppiness will not due in Eyeballer. Each strike is performed with precision and intended to blind the other contestant permanently. Puff on the cigarette until the "cherry" is glowing red hot and dangerously long. Flick cigarette in direction of opponent's face with the intended target being the burning end of the cigarette hitting them squarely in one or both of their eyeballs, hence Eyeballer. If you are the receiving end of the flick, you can NOT move under any circumstances. Relax, most shots will miss, the filter helps see to that. You will then puff your cigarette up to a suitable heat, and return the volley. Only shots that hit the actual eyeball are worth any points. If you do get hit, naturally, the game is over and you must retire to the nurses office. This is a game for kids to play at recess, and they are encouraged to steal their parents cigarettes in order to play. We also recommend being heavily drunk to enable participants to actually carry through with this. Eyeballer should not be played by anyone, anywhere, anytime, anyway, at all, ever. We sincerely apologize for inventing this.

Enjoy,

Anonymous inventors of Eyeballer