Shitheads and Rednecks

I wrote a poem once (I am NOT gay!!!!) called "Shitheads and Rednecks" mainly about the people in my home state, but not at all restricted to those shitheads and rednecks. I wrote it about all those folks that I commonly bitch about and condescend to (Perhaps this poem was actually written about me, as the last line will depict), but I in truth intended it for anyone to use and apply to their own lives, their own "shitheads and rednecks". If you have ever had a boss that micro-manages, or is more ignorant than you are and makes more money than you do, or had a neighbor that just pissed you the fuck off, or a relationship with someone who you really could not stand, or just a group of folks that rubbed you the wrong way...this poem is for your edification, for your pleasure, for you to enjoy while thinking about those shitheads and rednecks. At any rate, here it is. Hope you all love it as much as I loved writing it.

Sinc,

Dr. Pennypacker

Shitheads And Rednecks

Shitheads and Rednecks are all around me.
They do things like drive pick-up trucks with silhouettes of Calvin pissing on things and cut me off.
They say things like, “No worries,” or “I love Alan Jackson’s music because it MEANS something,” or “My favorite basker-ball team is the Utah Jazz.”
They eat pieces of shit like me for breakfast, or so they claim.
They always wear belt buckles, like they were born with them on.

Shitheads and Rednecks believe abortion is wrong because life is sacred, when the only way that abortion is wrong is that it is too expensive.

Shitheads and Rednecks love to fall back on the sanctity of life as their infallible stance against logic.
It’s humorously ironic.
I bet they are shocked when it is their turn to die.
Posthumously ironic.

Shitheads and Rednecks are perfect for this world. Like ingrained within them is the ultimate capacity to turn everything they touch into shit and then revel as they wallow in it.

But don’t get me wrong. I am not against them at all. Against all better judgment, I love those goofy cock-suckers.
They make everything so difficult and interesting, simply for the fact that they have nothing better to do with their time.
Sure…they fuck with us ALL at some time or another. Sometimes even run us over in their trucks.
But I think it is all worth it in the end, to watch them struggle past logic and decency, tumbling towards their inevitable oblivion…yeah, I’d say that’s worth getting run over.

Shitheads and Rednecks.
Truly God’s chosen people. In any other country they all would have died off due to stupidity, which is nearly always fatal.
But here they flourish so much that they can hook up with other shitheads and rednecks and have little baby shitheads and rednecks.
They are the inevitable price that we must pay for freedom, beautiful freedom.
They make everything suck and God bless them for that, for if they didn’t exist, someone else would be sitting here writing this about me.
THE END


I pray you enjoyed it and thought of someone who you could also equate it to. If not, there is nothing I can do about that. Except, maybe, include you in my next poem: "You dirty mother fucker"...it is a work in progress.