They DERK OUR DERR!!!

That title only makes sense if you have seen South Park, namely the
episode(s) where the red-neck, over-all clad gomers are complaining
about how foreigners are taking their jobs. ("They took our jobs!" =
"They Derk Our DERR!") If you have not seen it, watch it and get a
humorous and accurate depiction of home-grown, Southern ignorance.

I saw a woman standing on the side of the road today with a
conspicuously American designed sign that read: "Keep our jobs in the
country!" Every few seconds she would spin it around and on the back
were pictures of children and some slogan about how we need to save
them for our children. The sentiment is not totally crazy and without
merit while at the same time being a bit blinkered. Sort of like having
your xenophobic cake and eating it too. Commonly it is a sentiment
found with well-fed, stupid white men who also oppose things
like homosexual marriage, women's right to choose ANYTHING, funding
for the arts, NOT going to war and just plain brown people in general.
Ignorance comes from being lazy and fearful, and that pretty much sums
these debonair gentle-folk up pretty well. (Yes I realize I am stereo-typing
them and that is prejudiced. Had you ever met these people, you would
not give that much of a fuck about it either. Kind of like dropping rocks onto
shit. You never hear any of the Shit Rights activists complaining, because, well,
fuck that shit. Fuck bigots too. Anyone want to lambaste me for saying that?
Anyone here pro-KKK? Anyone painfully acquiescing my recalcitrant nature
of NAZI doctrine? The irony is not lost on me, I just have little conscience to
spare homo-sapien monstrocities.)

It's a common sentiment, about not outsourcing jobs to other countries
that translates into such ideas as NOT buying cars from Japan and NOT
getting technical support from India. (Japan makes great cars and
India gives great tech support. America does not make cars and we are
assholes on the phone. However I will say this, when a man from
Calcutta that has a accent so thick you can literally hear the curry he
ate last night...claims his name is "Mitch", I will always make fun of him.
The opportunity to mock my overly under-educated white ass for
trying to pronounce "Nadjueir" is too good to pass up. Never let a joke
like that slide. I'm dumb and for $0.50 an hour, you better let me know it, "Kevin".)

The funny thing about this was not just the woman, but the children on
the sign. The woman was VERY Asian, and the children on the sign were
Asian and Mexican. I had to look around to see if someone was going to
run out laughing at me, like I had fallen for a real-life practical
joke, BUT no...it was for real. Here was a post-middle-aged Asian
woman holding a sign about keeping American jobs in America for
children from Mexico. (I know! Just fucking awesome, right?)

Now that might not strike you all as funny, but let me give you a
quick run down on geographical socio-demographics. WE really don't
have it. At ALL. Pull out a globe (Google Maps for anyone who has
never actually seen the round. blue thing I am talking about) and look
up "Montana". It is nestled between Idaho and North Dakota. We have a
population of just under NOTHING. Not a fucking thing. Los Angeles and
New York each have about 50 times the population of our entire state,
and we are the fourth largest land-mass in the entire country.
(Alaska, Texas, California, Us...) Lots of land and no people, and out
of all the nobody that does live here, we are talking about a
population that is like 90% white. We are farmers and ranchers and
poor Republicans with something like the third lowest level of
education in the nation. (Fourty-Sevin of Phifty, Babie!!! Wooo!) We
are so far north the only immigrants we ever see are Canadians and
college students. The uni-bomber hid for only about 30 years from the
FBI, in PLAIN SIGHT in this state. That last part is not even a joke.
Most wanted criminal, 30 years, 20 miles from the capital building, no
bullshit.

We have wonderful mountains, lakes, countrysides, horse riding,
livestock and all aspects of the rugged nature you would expect from a
state whose name is Spanish for "It's a fucking mountain dude"...but two
things we don't have are Asians and Mexicans. We have seen them on TV
though. (That's a joke. We have like 15 of them.) It is not that we
are against those races at all, it is just that we have the climate only a
Viking could appreciate and are only 12,000 light years from places where
those particular genetic codes originate. No one usually makes it
here. The hit Denver, look north and usually just say, "Fuck that."

My town is right in the middle of the state and has about 60,000
people in it. The only reason people come here is to...uhm...come to
think of it...Why are we here? We have the cultural stew of your
average sock drawer. Once again, it is not because we are racist at
all, it is rather that no one who lives here has enough money to run
the fuck away from here.

Also, no one that lives here has ever lost a job to a foreigner since
cattle rustling went out of style about 200 years ago. So, baring that
in mind, here is a very Asian woman (who clearly got lost on her way
to some ACTUAL place) holding a sign slathered in USA patriotism
saying that we should keep all the American jobs where they belong:
for the Mexican children. I damn near stopped in the middle of the
intersection and lept out my car to kiss her. It was...beautiful. I
could taste the irony and it was fattening. I live my life solely for
the benefit of my daughter who is my light against the darkness of
reality, but it is moments like this that renew my faith in humanity.
I wanted to get a sign that said the same thing, only in Chinese and
stand there next to her just to complete the sardonic tapestry. People could
stop and say something heartfelt, like: "What the fuck?" and I could
reply with something like: "Don't ask me. I was born in Beijing. Kim
Li here is native though."

God bless America...and Asian women and Mexican children for keeping
our jobs...ya know...American.



P.S. I kept the tags for this post simple: HOT ASIAN WOMEN. Truly
though, she was just average.